Daily antics of an ego maniac

I'm sitting at work and the big boss man says, "come see me."

Immediately, i tense up, get that sick stomach feeling (you know the one I'm talking about.... butterflies deep down, ya might hurl, and heart palpitations. Yup, that one)....
My hands are sweaty, knees are weak, mom's spaghetti.... oh, wait - channeling Eminem for a minute.... haha.
Seriously, i got all kinda of twisted up over it. My head started playing every possible situation he'd want to see me about. I've only worked here since March of 2015, but my head went ALL THE WAY TO KINDERGARTEN.
Why? Self-absorbed, ego-driven, thoughts about 'me, me, me'.... that's why. Pure and simple. I waited for what seemed like an eternity to discuss this pressing matter  (probably 13 minutes in reality. Ok, maybe more like an hour, but really, not very long in the grand scheme of things) worried about M.E.

What did I do wrong? What did I say? What's gonna happen to me?

Ewww gross.....

Turns out, (slightly ashamed to admit this- no, really ashamed)
It.had.nothing.to.do.with.me.
Not at all. Not one little bit. He was actually looking out for me in another matter all together.

So, upon reflection (remember folks, don't do that without supervision), i learned to breathe, pray, shutup, and be still and know that He is God. (Not the big boss man, but, yeah you know what i mean).
I was so ready to run head first into a wall and he was simply looking out for me.... jeez, i can be so dramatic sometimes.

God is everything or He is nothing, what is your choice to be? No third option here.... I'll take door Numero uno, kind sir. Thank you.

What a relief I don't have to speak or react to the first thought in my head these days.

Here I Am Again....

Yes, i really sang the song in my head when i typed the title.... hahahaha.

Gonna start this blogging thing again... see if I can get this ramblings [on proverbial paper] out into the world, for your amusement, enjoyment, or just to clear up some much needed space. And, hey, it beats doing homework. 😉

Man oh man, the years have passed so quickly.... "the years" being the last four.... count four.... uno, dos, tres, quatro.
Seems like yesterday i took this single little, tiny, microscopic step into the lane of possibilities - and here I am, living a life of abundance.

Abundance of everything. Well, excluding money (anyone know where i can find that "lane o' possibility"??)
But, seriously, the quality of my problems has most definitely improved. I was reflecting (i don't recommend doing any type of relection unless you're in fit spiritual condition b.t.dubs) the other day about posts I'd put on... (insert *gasp* here) myspace and facebook when I was part of the social network gang. Filled with angst, animosity, and downright cynicism. Not all of them; few and far between there would be a funny something or other thrown in, but it wasn't common practice, that's for sure. And tonight, as I embark, once again, on my blogging adventure, I'm filled with gratitude, happiness, love, patience (most of the time) and laughter. I have seen more of these qualities, not only in myself, but in others AND my kids over the last four years then the previous 31 years combined.

Why, you ask.... ? Funny you should bring that up.... i was m.i.s.e.r.a.b.l.e. without a clue as to why.

Great news!!! The ick, my friends, has cleared away and made room for the good and the beautiful and the serenity. (Sounds like a soap opera title..... hahahah.... watch out Days of Our Lives, I'm taking over 😑... right after I get some sleep)

So, with that, i bid you adieu, this lovely evening and wish you a great Thursday.

Loving life

Today has been a fabulous day...
A lot of things put into perspective for me this morning as I listened to the sermon.
Exactly what I needed to hear so I would give everything to God.
He is everything or he is nothing... so true.

My life is rich with blessings and gifts that I could never have attained without God being the mastermind behind it all. I'm truly blessed for the people in my world today... The ones who've been around for ages, the ones who have helped through the most recent years, and the ones who walked into it in the very recent past that have opened my eyes to new possibilities I didn't think were out there....
I can't thank God and these people enough.  I can only hope to give them what they've given me.

How great to know the things I know now.

Amazing wknd

This weekend has been fabulous so far.  Those who know me are aware of what I mean.
What an experience to have.

Ya know, the last couple weeks have been pretty new for me. Lots of new things going on.  New people (which I am thoroughly excited to develop friendships with) New places, New events, New thought processes (this is a good thing lol) and most of all-- new Happiness....(God is good).

I am blessed to have God and the many wonderful people in my awesome little world.

So, i am back in the daily life i lead after the holidays....
partially thankful to have to normalcy---
and partially saddened by the lack of sleep i am getting now. haha

holidays were good.  but it reminds me of the reasons i am glad they only come around once a year.  it is nerve-racking to deal with the planning, the cooking, the cleaning, the organizing, etc.  the travel alone to see family is exhausting (granted-- very very worth it).  that was a long drive, but it went rather well considering i was tired, the girls were sick of being in the car and did i mention it is a long drive?
upon arrival to my parents, i was a smidge worried as to how the 'overall' visit would go with siblings and parents alike.  BUT i have to admit this was one of the best trips home i have had in a long time. 

it's kind of amazing how things can change when one grows up and becomes a responsible adult (yes, i am referring to myself here)....
what a blessing to be able to enjoy my brother and sisters' company now.  not to mention, the conversations with my parents that i can have these days have become so awesome.  the relationship i am building with both of them is something one can call a miracle.  so so cool to have.  i adore the times i get to sit and talk with my dad.  i am so very thankful for the point of view i have gained now and that i can truly appreciate them for who they are.

anyhow, the trip went great.  the time with my monkeys was fan-friggin-tastic!!!  but i am glad to be back in my normal routine.  i still chuckle sometimes when i think about how much i get off balance when my schedule changes.  ha!  i used to claim "the love of spontaneity".... what.a.joke.

i like the quiet.  i like the calm. and i love the fact that i get to enjoy my kids and my family like i never did before.

crazy right???

that's all for now...

uhmmm.... so, yeah....

so, a dear friend told me a long time ago i should do a blog (i obviously didn't listen to her... it takes me awhile).  then another friend told me i should do one (didn't listen to him either), but suggested it be video b/c of the goofy faces i always make when i am telling stories...
i opted for not exposing the general public to the latter....

so here i am with the basic, non-video, beginnings (and possibly the end) of a blog.  i don't know what to say-- is there proper etiquette for this?  haha....

so, with all this having been said, i am sitting here happy that i started one and mystified as to what i should actually post....

perhaps nothing other than this since i am at work... in my defense, it is a VERY slow day.

i will post more later....
adios!